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Showing posts from June, 2011

Toothpick trees and Cloudy Days

The white days of summer are here. White clouds cover the sky. They're formless, really. These kinds of days are ones that are hard. I struggle as it is to find beauty here. I truly want to. My eyes scan the horizon. I'm a naturalist, according to Gary Thomas's Sacred Pathways assessment. I feel God's presence most when I'm surrounded by nature. I don't have much of that here. Over the years I've seen the effort to plant more trees, and I've appreciated it. But it's not enough. Or so it seems.

See, these days present choices for me. A choice to wake up and smile regardless of the presence of sunlight or not. My second son, the one with great perspective and lots of joy, his words pierce my heart this morning. "What a beautiful day, Mommy!" I rub my eyes, wondering if he sees what I see. Apparently not.

The trees outside are growing. When we moved into this complex of 30,000 people, the trees were newly planted, sticking up from the hard …

Eyes to Perceive

Dust is everywhere. I am seeing it more. Covering the piano, the steps, the furniture, the pile of books on the side that are waiting to be put away.You see, I'm looking for dust. My new vacuum cleaner in hand, mop leaning against the wall, a rag over my shoulder, I'm ready for dust. The problem with this is that there's no end to this dust-hunting. I have barely finished my rounds and dust has collected again. I stop only because I'm too tired to continue.

Seeing is everything. I see what I believe to be there. When I am busy seeing other things, I don't see the dust. Or maybe I still see it but I don't perceive it. It doesn't bother me.

Last week we finished up reading Acts as a family. The last part of chapter 28 struck me. "Go to the people and say, you will be ever hearing but never understanding; you will be ever seeing but never perceiving. For the people's heart has been calloused, they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed th…

To be Sanctified

..I gave them My Sabbaths, as a sign between me and them, that they might know that I am the Lord who sanctifies them." Ezekiel 20:12

The Lord gave His people Israel the Sabbath. Like the rest of the Law, it was placed there for their own good. They were to follow the Law, to stray from it in anyway was to sin. Sabbath was made so that Israel would stop what they were doing. They weren't to collect manna on the Sabbath. Double up the night before, and on the Sabbath it will be enough. They were to stop, rest, and reflect. "that they might know that I am the Lord who sanctifies them..." How else were they to know? The rest of the week was one filled with hard labor. One day was set apart for rest.

As the Lord has been making this truth clearer to me especially in the last couple years, He has used Sabbath truly to show me more of my need for Him. It is with a day of rest, or even a life of resting in Him, that I would learn that all the doing, working, striving, isn…

How do you explain?

How do you explain to a 10 year old that you are never to stop loving? When her heart is so sad that it feels like it's going to melt away and shrivel up and never come out again?
Don't hide.
I tell her that this morning. It's not worth it. No matter how hard it hurts? No matter how hard.
But how is it worth it to love and then to say goodbye again so quickly?
For reasons that even adults cannot comprehend.
Could you explain to me, please?
There are tears caught in my throat.
I'm afraid to let them out for fear they won't stop coming.
I'm not a robot.
My heart is made of flesh, not stone.
To love again and again, to say that very same number of goodbyes.
It doesn't get any easier, my oldest son said to me as he watched grandparents say goodbye at the airport one year when he was 8.
This life that we've chosen to live seems to filled with so much pain. Everywhere you turn.
At least that's how it can seem sometimes.
I confess, Lord.
My …