When the darkness feels too much
I was just with her Friday afternoon! My son lamented. How can she be gone? The emotions of this past week have been more down then up, and my son says, "I'm not sad at the right times." As if we can control this complex emotion we call sadness.
We have sat in the pain though. We have pressed in and we're better for it. Life for now cannot be as usual. A friend is gone. Too soon according to us. We didn't have enough time to learn about this young 13 year old with a vivacious personality so colorful that sometimes people didn't know what to do with such vulnerability and such freedom. In many ways she was older than her years, in other ways she was just a girl wondering if people could accept her just the way she was.
We all just want to know if someone will take us as we are. Growing up is so hard to do.
How do we live in the tension of grief and a life that remains to be lived? Grief and gratitude, both intertwined, so often inseparable. This space is wider and deeper than we could ever imagine, often so dark and frightening, but it's a place where God can be found.
Even the darkness is as light to you, the psalmist says in Psalm 139. To find ourselves here and to hear that God is not afraid of the dark, in fact His presence lights it up.
To my kids and the community that hurts today. God is present. He is not far away. He is not hiding Himself from us. He lights up our darkness and holds us in our grief.
If you are hurting today because of a loss I pray you'll know this truth. He is with you in this place. You don't have to try to be somewhere else. May you experience His loving presence and hold with you today.