It's been some time since I have written. The last time I posted I was in a different place. The end of July brought news of something that would throw my soul into a solemn winter. Two and a half months have passed and things have settled in my heart. Up until the end of July my heart had become increasingly burdened by the sorrows and pains of life. When I received news of a very close friend's daughter's diagnosis of leukemia AML, an acute form that would require an agressive treatment, my heart was launched into a season of pain, reflection, and quietness.

I haven't quite figured out all the elements that have contributed to my finding myself in this place. But I'm not afraid to be here. I guess it's a good thing. Winters of the heart probably are one of the longest seasons in the rhythms of our life, the one that has the least answers, the loneliest moments, but I think where the deepest work happens. It's pushing me towards God and not away.

I am asking God questions but I'm trying not to demand answers. I'm letting Him out of the box that I so easily create for Him. He is a mystery and becomes more of a mystery to me the longer I know and love Him.

For today, the longing for heaven and a more heavenly perspective is what I want. Everything else seems meaningless. My plans for this fall, the things I will do, where I will go, the things I will buy,...... meaningless.

Father, help me find you in this place. Help me hear your voice. Sense your peace. Know your presence. And when this season passes I will know that you will have done your work. For now, help me wait.


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