Lessons from a Bathroom Cabinet

I was cleaning out my bathroom cabinet this morning. Never a fun task. It's then I realize how unnecessarily overstocked I've been in some things and terrible understocked in others. Throwing unused expired things away always makes me feel wasteful. Planning a year or two in advance when our family is back in our home country for all medical needs can be a challenge. Sure there's more and more available here, but it's a lot easier reading labels in English! A mental exercise. Don't need this, haven't used it, won't need it, won't use it..... Sorting and cleaning is always more exhausting then I plan for. Of course I didn't plan to do that this morning, I just walked into the bathroom looking for something and then started cleaning. That's how half-full coffee cups land in the strangest of places. I know I'm not alone in this scattered behavior, it's just that some of us moms seem to do it more than others!

We're preparing to return to our home country for 6 months, we have never done since we came 13 years ago. As I was cleaning up this morning I had a thought- what if we never come back? What if someone else had to pack up our home for us! Unncessary worry and heart angst came on me like a dark cloud, perhaps triggered by the fact that I helped pack up our closest friends' apartment earlier this year. Part of the cost that many of us don't think about after living overseas for some time is the fact that at any time and for any reason we could leave this country and never come back. Though it doesn't happen often, it happened to our friends. Would it happen to us?

The Lord caught me, it was like a bright flashlight shone on my heart and the words safe and predictable were written on it. I find myself at times wanting safe. Wanting predictable. Wanting control. Where did I get that idea that that was my right to ask for that? Motivated by fear. Worry. Anxiety. I want faith. Deep faith. But faith has only grown in my heart through the hard. Through the pain. I have a choice when my thoughts turn towards the "what-ifs".

Daniel and his friends' experience in captivity was a sure and certain example that Father allows the hard and does so for His glory. When the fiery furnace was lit and the friends were being led into it they confidently said, "If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up." Worry? Anxiety? There was no time nor room for that in the moment. A life of faith has no room for fear.

See I know that the life of a follower of Christ is not safe nor predictable. I've read enough m biographies to know that, but the enemy knows how to tempt me. His fiery darts at me aim for my heart, right where I'm most weak. Fear over the safety of my children, my husband, those I love. Unbelief. Lord, help my unbelief! Help me to trust in your love for me.

Psalm 56 "When I am afraid, I will trust in You...."

A simple bathroom cabinet cleanup showed me the thoughts within. Leave it. I almost heard the Lord audibly say. I took one last look at the mess and left.

I went to color my hair instead. I'm thinking that made the Lord smile. A simple act of faith from a child who's still learning....


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