when crisis hits
An early morning phone call brought news of my husband's collapse in his hotel room soon after he had arrived for some organization meetings. The call came at 7am. The shock that ensued and the desperate cry of my heart in those moments is hard to describe. A friend came over, other friends told me they were coming to our home and that our kids would be cared for, and a call to our travel agent, and I was on my way to my husband. Not knowing what had happened and what was happening made the trip a heart-wrenching experience. Fifteen hours later I arrived at hospital. He'd just been wheeled out of surgery.
I had almost lost him. That day he lost half of his body's blood. Hearing those words from the doctor nearly brought me to my knees. How does one survive that?
His flight down the previous day was a difficult one and he bled heavily on his last 6 hour leg of the journey. In that lonely moment when he thought he might bleed to death, Father was with him. Sustaining him.
Two transfusions and a battery of tests later, they discovered a mass ten cm long. Surgery was successful and the tumor was removed and sent off to pathology. Pathology? To take in that word the first night was almost too much for me.
It's too much to comprehend when you've almost lost the love of your life. Eighteen years we've been married and in the moment of question when I wasn't sure if he was alive~I cried out that Father would give us 40 more years!
Trying to process new words and information as it comes each day. Restraining myself from using google to find out just what is this tumor they found? Choosing to trust in the midst of the unknowns. It's been a moment by moment choice. Fear can grip my heart and the what-ifs flood my mind. Bringing them to the Father is something I am choosing to do each time.
As I've processed the days and the trauma hits me in the night I have heart the Father whispering over me, "I'm sorry that you had to find out in such a lonely way. I'm sorry that you had to make that trip all by yourself. But I was with you. Loving and caring for you." The challenge of being in another foreign country, away from my kids, and unable to speak the language adds to the complexities of this medical experience. But the Lord is loving on us through the friends we have in this city and those who came for the meetings John was supposed to attend. John's food placard says, VIP; they have no idea that we really are VIP. Children of the King of Kings.
The days ahead are unknown, but my heart is at peace in this moment. Few things matter today. Walking with Jesus, hiding in His shadow, and resting in His care. Experiencing it more deeply than ever before.