It all goes so fast.... thoughts on parenting
In so many ways, those emotions still are there. Now, 17 years later I look at this young man amazed and astonished at who he has become.
I feel like I know less than I did then. It's partially the honesty that's emerging, the courage to say I really have no idea what I'm doing, the unmasking that God is doing in me. But it's really God's grace that has carried us through these years. A boy? The doctor's announcement rocked my world. Really? I know nothing of raising boys!
Those early days I didn't know all that I could be worried about. As the days grew into years, I quickly found out there's plenty to be anxious about as a parent. But much was within my control. (or so I thought)
Now that he's older, I'm wondering about all the thing that aren't in my control. I'm wondering if I did an adequate job as a mom. Wondering if I've prepared him for life. I'm thinking I haven't. Have I done too much for him? Have I done too little? Have I talked to him about all the things he might encounter in life? Have I expressed too much of my opinions? Have I talked more than listened? (I'm sure I have done that...)
A desperate need to pray woke me up this morning. The realization that I cannot control nor protect him the rest of his life (tell me I'm not the only one who wants to do this!) Crying out to God I ask that He would keep my son close to Him all of his days. That my boy would walk closely with Jesus each day. In a world where love and worth is questioned, I pray that he would know he is loved and valued. That he would grow into a man who grows into a sense of purpose and knows what it's like to live in the kingdom of God.
A daughter and three boys to raise, time that slips from fingers, young adults
When older moms told me that time would go fast, I had no idea that it would go this fast.