On Letting Go... it's a lot harder than it looks!

I knew this day was coming for a long time now. Since the moment I laid eyes on him, this boy captured my heart and I knew it would be hard to see him grow up. There were so many moments in childhood that I would remind myself that these times would not last forever. Noise. There is no way to enjoy all those noise-moments, but they are amazing to watch. The forts made of sheets hung around the room, light saber battles, and nerf gun wars in our tiny Chinese apartment. Friends who were further along than us in the parenting journey would remind us often to try an enjoy the craziness for it would not always be so.

And so it has changed. We set our table for five, occasionally we forget and grab six settings, and sigh when we realize that he's across the ocean. No, he won't be joining us for dinner.

I've talked about parents who struggle with letting go. My husband and I have thought about what kind of parents we hoped we would be when this day would come. My husband seems to have eased into this transition whereas the struggle seems to be harder for me. Maybe it's a "mom-thing". There are probably way too many things chalked up in life as a "mom-thing", so here is yet another item for that list.

A deeper prayer life must be the way I choose. Discernment and wisdom in prayer is a must for all parents  but especially for those of us who live so far from our college-age and grown-up children. I'm discovering that sleepless nights are much more when I view them as a call to prayer. I can move from peace to panic so quickly, but prayer is one of those ways I can guard my heart from fear. What parent doesn't struggle with occasional bouts of fear over their kids especially as they leave home?

Move in date to his dorm is Wednesday and I've flown back from Asia to be with him for his momentous occasion. With reference to the movie Inside Out, Joy is operating my son's emotional console, and Sadness is at my helm. It's a sad-joy, excited for him and this next season of life, but knowing we won't be there for many important moments in the years to come because we live so far away almost makes my heart stop for a moment.

My eyes scan the crowd as I come out of airport customs and spot him. Beanie hat on, smile on his face, latte in hand, this boy knows how to love his mom. After 29 hours of travel a soy latte is just the little comfort I need. He takes my luggage, pays for parking and drives us home. I try to hold back my driving comments, and he laughs and reminds me that he is a careful driver.

He's a man now. If you're reading this and chuckling you either know what I mean or will know soon what I mean. Without wanting to sound too cliche, I know that God's got him. Watching your child grow up is amazingly hard. I feel a bit over my head as we walk into this next season, but I have a feeling this time it will be my son teaching me what that will look like. This pair of knees are about to get just a bit more worn down.



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