An unexpected gift

Rain falls on my soul today. 

I wake this morning to an email from my youngest's math teacher. E is a conscientious student whose efforts to please often go unnoticed. He has given up his seat more than a few times this past year for other students and opted to sit in a much less comfortable place in the classroom. His teacher bought him a desk to give him a permanent place, but he gave that desk up, too for a corner at the edge of another crowded table. His teacher wants to give Elijah the desk and asks if we will accept it as a gift for a student who actually loves learning math. (who knew this was possible?) Tears rolling down I cannot believe that a teacher would notice my boy who is always willing to share his seat. We tell my son this morning. We also include that while we are so blessed by his generous heart we also want him to know that we love him just because.

We all figure out ways to give and get love and I must tell my son before this becomes his only mode for life. I must give up myself, my needs, my wants, so that I can be loved, noticed, accepted. It has taken me so long to identify these ways in my life that I have clung to for life and love. 

I get to have this conversation with my boy today and there are tears. For all the times he has given up things for others and feels taken for granted. A seat. A ping pong paddle. A pencil. Help in homework. We talk about the things I've been asking God for~ kindness, gentleness, integrity, wisdom and discernment. What in that list what do you want to ask God for? I ask him. "Wisdom," he answers, "and discernment."

I want so much to put a wall of protection around my boy and tell those around him to not touch him! Please don't hurt this one whose sweetness and sensitivity is his gift and it might be swallowed up and replaced by cynicism and mistrust through life's hardships.

But today he's been seen. In the struggle of middle school and his first year not homeschooling, someone noticed.

I am reminded that while I cannot protect my kids from pain, God sends gifts along the journey to call to mind all the ways He notices us and loves us. 


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