So it's not about me?

In this desire to grow in depth with the Lord, I have found myself at times in a funny place. I've kind of imagined it to be similar to walking a tightrope. Though I've never done that before the thought seems positively scary! Waiting to meet me at the bottom of one side is pride and all that comes with it, and on the other, insecurities and all the things that come with that. So, it's on this tightrope that I walk. I want to walk forward, eyes on Jesus, in humility yet also in confidence that He has called me forward. The things that God has placed in my life right now all run a certain kinds of risk. The risk of being misunderstood being the greatest one. Why does it matter to me what people think? If I walk forward I might become prideful, if I don't, I give into my insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. The thing is is that at the center of both arguments is ME. It still revolves around me!

I was processing with a friend and mentor this last weekend. I asked the question, "so how does one serve with humility in the Lord and confidence in who He has made me to be.... how does one get around ME?" She commented that perhaps the secret lies in not thinking about ME.

Hmmmmm. Not think about ME. What a concept. Actually, that's a pretty freeing thought. When I find myself  beginning to worry about what others think.... I can throw that thought off and look at Him. When I struggle with the fear of being misunderstood over something that I know clearly that He has called me to do, I can throw that thought off as well. It's not about ME. I know that on so many levels, but at the very core of my being, in those places where only God knows about, I still worry about ME.

I capitalize ME because it drives the point home a little better. As I serve Him, I hope people don't remember me but only remember Him. The human accolades that often come by way of encouragement sometimes only serve as man's praises. I long to hear only His words, "Well done."

Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 2 encourages me to press on in this area. "When I first came to you, dear brothers and sisters, I didn't use lofty word sand impressive wisdom to tell you God's secret plan. For I devided that while I was with you I would forget everything but Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified. I came to you in weakness- timid and trembling. .... I relied only on the power of the Holy Spirit. I did this so you would not trust in human wisdom but in the power of God. " (NLT)

To know only Him, and Him crucified. The ME was crucified there on the cross. And now it's Christ who lives in me. May that "me" get only smaller and smaller and CHRIST bigger and bigger in my life.

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