On a pilgrimage ..... Advent Day 21

We are on a pilgrimage my kids and I. To see Grandpa and family. To mourn together and laugh together. So many memories to celebrate. Pictures of Grandma and her kids. Laughing at fashion from the '70s the grandkids enjoy thinking that their clothes and tradition of the day will be around in a decade. Velour is back in we all know. 

The reunion surprises us. It makes us want for what was, remembering the early memories of Grandma and her delicious Chinese food; she loved cooking for her family. Instead we opt for takeout and no one minds because what we really long for is to be together. Life is such that we can never have again what was. We can only make good of what is now. Nostalgia forgets the hard of the past, creating yearnings for something that never might be again. Grandma is no longer with us, but we remember her story, take pictures, share personal stories, and plan for new memories. Being together helps ease the pain. But my husband is missing from this moment. His back pain continues and creates in us anxiousness that it will never go away. It feels a little too much to bear today. 

Our pilgrimage takes us to another point in the journey. We travel also to my sister's home, where many memories are marked as well. It's a stop where we pause again for it's been some time since we've been here. The smell of their home makes me choke with tears as I enter. Their family has also undergone much grief as of late and we will never recover those years. We tell stories here, too and wonder where time has gone. Are we that old? This rhetorical question comes up in both places. The wonder of aging. It's not supposed to happen to us, but seeing the kids grow up reminds us that the wrinkles around my eyes might not all be the fault of the sun.

One thing I remember tonight is that God has never been absent. With each family we visit we still remember that God is a good God. We cannot make sense of the how and why that has happened, but we look at each other with greater depth and say together, yet, will I still praise Him. 

The star the wise men sought was placed to lead them to the Savior. They only knew to follow the star. 
We may not be able to connect any dots of the events and pain of our lives right now, but we know Who we are looking for and following. A friend of mine calls these moments God-sightings. Moments in our day when we can see God in our surroundings. We have to train our eyes to see. We look for Him just as the wise men looked for Him, too. 

The next leg of our pilgrimage is back to my husband, we are anxious to be with Dad again. We remember tonight to recount how we saw God today, and trust we will we see Him in our circumstances again tomorrow.
                                    Sometimes it's hard to find   by J 


  1. Our hearts are with you and your family, John and Jenn.


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